When Caroline Flack took her own life, it really affected me in a huge way. I didn't know her. I'd never watched any TV programs that she featured in or hosted. It took me back to a dark place in my life and I felt I needed to speak up and share a little of my story.
On Instagram and Facebook I shared
"So utterly tragic and my heart goes out to Caroline's family. As many of us have said, we have no idea what is going on in others' lives and to find this action the only way out is heartbreaking.
I speak with experience. Some of you know, some of you may not. Looking back now I still find it hard to speak about. But in true spirit of my "throat" chakra (the blue one) healing this year, I share with you. A sufferer from severe depression and anxiety for many years in my 30's I attempted suicide three times. Each time, I recall quite vividly how I felt. My heart was literally breaking. The pain in my heart was so deep, the idea of sharing how I felt was too much to handle. Some might say I was selfish. I'd survived cancer. I couldn't have children - but so what? "Is it really THAT bad?" Yes it was. I felt completely helpless. The "pain" used to take my breath away. Were there signs? If I'm honest maybe. I wouldn't go out. From work I'd skip food and go to bed. My weight dropped to less than 9 stone. I was withdrawn.
Should I have reached out? Yes. But how do you do that? There's so many ways to do it but finding the courage and the words to say are sometimes just too much to bear.
I found #yoga, #reflexology, #reiki and most importantly I forgive myself for not being what society thought I should. Or was that in my head too? RIP Caroline, #beautifullady #beautifulsoul #livingwithoutchildren #livingwithanxiety #livingwithdepression #suicideprevention @carolineflack"
I was really touched by some of the comments from my beautiful friends and followers (you can see them HERE on Instagram and HERE on Facebook).
I know how difficult it is to talk. I am here. I am listening. PLEASE reach out if you need to talk, for someone to listen and share your feelings. #bekind
If you haven't yet joined our Caterpillar Library do so HERE. A collection of free advice via video, downloads, audio and more on all things holistic. Thank you for reading, Namaste, Suzanne